Story 1:

For Those ABOUT to Rock, The Homeless Situation in America.

Or

The Day I Had to Drink out of a Mixing Bowl.

One Smug Day in Laramie I was asked by Johnny Brown (JR That is not to be confused with SR) and Mister Dr Stat L. Koepling (of the Honorable Monastat 7) to accompany them to a debut of sorts. These guys brought their own entourage and were rolling with the madness. I had no peeps.

We motored through Laramie's Sprawling Suburbia and finally came to a cottage. Note: I was dropping breadcrumbs, as I wanted to find my way home later.

Upon reaching the entrance to this said cottage I was confronted by an 11 year old in a polo shirt asking me for five dollars.

I asked the Polotiskny when the show started and he said about an "hours ago", so I just walked in. At this point I was approached by a middle-aged woman who was clearly half soccer mom, half Donna Reed. I thought she might give me cookies and I paid my $5.00.

The house was filled to the brim with surely teenagers, all brooding around giving me icy glares.

These glares made me very thirsty.

I Traversed the Stairs and entered the secure unit that I presumed once hosted Ray Wonder and Brandon Homelessese's bunk beds. (please note they lived in this cottage. They were truly misrepresenting the word Homeless. Bear in mind there are Truly homeless people out there who don't have Donna Reed mother's who host their Debut parties in cottages for them, many homeless people were raised by dragons)

At the Bottom of the stars was a mini bar area thingy (no better way to describe that thing) that held Bryan Mollenkopf captive.

**Choose your own adventure crossroads #1**

He had headphones on and was either:

1) Mixing sound for the Show

2) Listening to Skinny Puppy pretending to like "PunkROX"

Either way he was there surely held beyond his own capacity to leave.

I think that one band with the chick bass player Leave, leaf, mud, Plakton, vegemite, something like that was playing.

There were five people in this basement. Running into each other, the other 15 were staring at them.

It was extremely sweltering, and thus further frustrating my dehydration.

I climbed the stairs and arrived in the kitchen, her I politely asked Donna Reed Wonder-Homeless for a drink of water. She said they we colored folks were not allowed to use these facilities and walked away. At this point I swiftly started rummaging through their cupboard.

Low and Behold they had:

**Choose your own adventure crossroads #2**

1) Hidden all the cups, mugs, and glasses

2) Did not rent the mugs to got with the House (remember they are homeless)

Either way I was fucked. So I was able to open their Dishwasher and find a rather decently sized mixing bowl. In a moment of untimely wisdom I decided to fill this with water and drink from it. At this point Homeless Sister come around the corners and yells mom.

I dump the bowl and head out the back door.

On the deck are the Anarchy Dragons (Not to be confused with the dragons that raise homeless ppl) and Monostat. Many of them are smoking witch we all know is a sucking filthy habit. As we are on the deck, many Pre-Teens are flaying themselves over the fencing in the back yard and into the surrounding cottages.

Shortly after this Laramie's Finniest filter through issuing tickets to under-agers, and Donna Read's who violate noise ordinance number 657. a

Note: the only one of us that were policed (that night) was JBII who Earned a parking ticket, but in the true spirit of punk rockdom, (a true slow motion movie sequence). he tore it up and tossed it to the wind. His Gangly Dark hair flapping in the breeze and shorts glimmered of a defiance few will ever know.

And the moral of the story is that the big black birds in Laramie will eat any edible trail markers you leave so use leather spikes cause that is way more "wonder".

Sincerely Yours, Punk Skywalker

Maybe another time I will tell more stories...

I shall tell the sTory of how I met Brandon Homless in my living in room,

And Then the time I hurt Ray wonder (at the sigma GOD SHOW) when I invented the Phrase clap for your friends.

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